sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
