oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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