Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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