He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Randomize
