Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
