Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
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