Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Randomize
