what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
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