i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize
