Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
should my penis look like a turkey
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
It's almost sad. It's like the Harambe of vagina stories really.
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I'm not going to waste the next hour of my life writing a diplomatic email explaining that she's bitch. I have Parks and Rec to watch.
Randomize
