all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
