6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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