evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
