Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize