i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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