Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I want a musical about memes.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
