the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
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