So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
