Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I got inside last night via doggy door
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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