do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
