office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
