i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Randomize
