Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
