Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
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