i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Your cock deserves a montage
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
