dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
