I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
