nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
Randomize
