Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
