I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Randomize
