You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I stole a fireplace last night.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
Randomize
