So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
