I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
