I accidentally burped into my bong.
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Randomize
