I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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