I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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