The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
40s are totally the cure
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
