3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
These tits shall not be calmed
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
