He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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