I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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