Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
