I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
Randomize
