dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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