I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize