The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i would punch a child for taco bell
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
