the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
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