um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
is that a dick in a sweater?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
