the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
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