Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
Randomize
