you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize