I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
