Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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