If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
What a dumb baby whore.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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