you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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