somebody snuck up and got me drunk
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize