you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
Randomize
