if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
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