Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
