What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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