he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
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