I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Randomize
