dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
