my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
