In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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