im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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