I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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