yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
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