It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
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