Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize