"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
