OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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