Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Randomize