The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
