Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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